The following is a list of hairstyles that have suggested over the last couple of months. They are here to give you a descriptive aid for the Hairstyle Auction. The winning bid affords the right to dictate my hair (and beard) style for the 7 days from 01 April 2005 to 07 April 2005 inclusive. Bids may be submitted from individuals or groups. Group bidding would, of course, allow for higher stakes / less personal outlay.
Of course, offensive symbols and lettering are probably not allowed. Offensiveness is, of course, determined by me, i.e. political symbols, icthus symbols, computer hacking symbols .. although "SEGA" might be pretty cool. Or not. Anyway, there is still plenty of scope for humiliation through haircut outside of those contraints. Here are the suggestions so far. What others can you think up? And, as importantly, how much are you going to pay to see them
ACTUALISED?
The
50/50 - One side of head with 90days worth of hair + beard growth, one head bic-shaven bald.
(Suggested by: tom)The
50/50 Variant: The Quartiale - As the 50/50, except in a Harlequin or Battenburg pattern. So, if my head was a clock, then 12 to 3 o'clock shaven, 3 to 6 haired up, 6 to 9 shaven, 9 to 12 haired.
The
Amish - Hair + Beard - Mustache = Amish. It's so simple. Kinda like the beard in
Day 87: Beardgro 2000, or like the
Punching Amish toy on display at Ship of Fools. Anyway, check out
James Matthias in his One Year Beard charity frenzy, as he too has opted for the tried and tested
AMISH. You can see 'genuine' Amish Hunks
here and
here too.
(Suggested by: Renata)The
Combo - A combination of various style suggestions. For example, the Rat's Tail combined with the Walrus combined with the Mr T Mohawk.
(Suggested by: Joe)The
Combover - Entire top of head bald. Hair on rest of it. Hair at side of bald patch must be styled daily to look like I am trying to grow a combover. May as well get some practice in, eh?
Combover pic.
(Suggested by: Barefoot)The
Lion-O - Er.
Lion-O from the Thundercats. Hair dyed red, no facial hair. Although with a hair length of ~3cm, it's not gonna be looking as Bon Jovi as required for full Lion-O action.
(Suggested by: MarkL)The
Marked Sheep - Hair dyed lambswool white, then annoying blue, red, or green dye applied liberally, a la sheep marking.
An example.
The
Marked Sheep Variant: The Smudged Rainbow - As the Marked Sheep, except with all available colours applied to hair. And beard, should you so wish.
Click for pic.
The
Merv Hughes - Named after
Merv Hughes.
(Suggested by: Joe)The
Metallica - After
James Hetfield from popular beat combo Metallica. Have a look at the
James Hetfield Hair Watch website for more on the many styles of Hetfield: for the purposes of the Auction, the Metallica refers to 1996 "Load" period Hetfield.
The
Mike from Spaced - Beard shaved, moustache remains. Grade 2 haircut hidden by army beret. Yellow tinted aviator sunglasses, camo clothing, casio wristwatch splashproof to 100m. They're not ready for the big man...
A picture of Mike.
(Suggested by: Clare)The
Mohican - A mohican, running from back to front of skull. See a sculpture of a Mohican
here.
The
Mohican Variant: The Varial Mohican - As the Mohican, except set at an angle, as in the Sideways Mohican.
The
Mohican Variant: The Dual Mohican - As the Mohican, except twofold.
The
Monk cut - clean shaven, circular bald patch on top.
Pic.
The
Mr T - Also known as The
B.A. in honour of Mr T's character in The A-Team, the Mr T is a Mohawk plus beard. Mohawk starts at front of head, travels to back of skull to nape of neck. At neck, follows hairline round, up to ears, over and down into full beard. A design classic. Mr T style accessories will be worn if supplied. I ain't goin' on no plane!
A picture of Mr T.
The
Mullet, the
Permed Mullet - Mulletry may or may not be viable in 35 days' time. Mullet experts may have to be consulted.
(Suggested by: Chris)The
Mullet & Moustache - Embarassing as it may be, even the smallest mullet can be accentuated by a shameful 'tache.
(Suggested by: Chris)The
Napoleon Dynamite - Not merely a shameless ploy to dragnet more hits off the googlescape, but the style of
Napoleon. Thing is, I don't really have enough hair to get curled into that style. Still, it was
(Suggested by: Brittany)The
Outline - Beard shaved, sideburns left down to mid-ear. Head shaved bald apart from hedge of hair running over brow from sideburn to sideburn. Sideburn-thick outline of hair runs along hairline, round ears, and nape of neck. Hair growth under jaw is left unshaven.
(Suggested by: Barefoot)The
Poirot - Moustache styled to look like Hercule Poirot. I can't quite do this now, but anticipate Poirot Action will be available in 35 days' time.
Click here to see the Poirot.
The
Poirot Variant: The Circus Strongman - As the Poirot, except with bic-shaved baldy head.
The
Rats Tail - The Rat's Tail is a smaller slightly more liberal neighbour of the Mullet and also goes by the name of the Dutch Child. No beard, grade 2/3 haircut all over apart from a small "tail" at the nape of the neck.
(Suggested by: Joe)The
Rooster - Farmyard animals shaved into hair / beard.
The
Shamish - A combination of the
Shel and the
Amish. Party Trivia: The middle candle on the Menorah, a Jewish candle stick, is called the shamish or shamash (cheggin transliterations), and is used during Hannukah. Chief Rabbi
Jonathan Yeah? talked about it last time around, and you can read a Messianic perspective
here (Google cache).
The
Shel - Named after
Shel Silverstein (1932 - 1999): comic, singer, author of ace books such as The Giving Tree, and all round scary looking bloke (click on his name for illustration which hides the 90DoH style chipped front tooth). The Shel is characterised by a shaved head with full beard and moustache remaining.
(Suggested by: tom)The
Swirl - Swirl hairstyle, a la Flea from RHCP.
(Suggested by: Joe)The
Thundercat - Perhaps in part inspired by the Tiger / Tygra, the Thundercat involves the creation of a
LIVING, FOLLICULAR THUNDERCATS LOGO.
(Suggested by: Wezand)The
Tiger /
Tygra - Hair and beard remain. Hair and beard dyed with tiger stripes. Like
Tygra in the Thundercats.
(Suggested by: Barefoot)The
Tramline - Tramlines
The
Tramline Variant: The Tram Station - Lets face it, there's enough real estate to cut in the entire Gothenburg tramway. With trams. And passengers. Or bears. No, wait - that's Berlin.
The
Viking - Keep going indefinitely until you can put plats into your hair and beard and you look like a proper Viking. May take a year or more. Fair's fair, though.
The
Walrus - Full beard but with chin section shaved.
(Suggested by: Joe)The
Zoolander - the haircut of Derek Zoolander, 3 time VH1 male model of the year.
A picture of Zoolander.
